


intimacy

by basilique



Series: Victuuri Sexytimes: Before, During, and After the Wedding [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Coming Untouched, Confidence, Dom Victor Nikiforov, First Time, Hot Springs Sex, Intimacy, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Masturbation, Moaning, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Overthinking, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Power Bottom Katsuki Yuuri, Rimming, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Trust, Valentine's Day, VictUuri, Victor Nikiforov Speaks Russian, breath sharing, intimacy issues, nervous yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-23 23:05:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9686126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basilique/pseuds/basilique
Summary: Yuuri has an intense, lifelong fear of intimacy. But tonight, he plans to overcome it.“I want to lose my virginity, Viktor. And I want to lose it with you.”





	1. Chapter 1

> _My bounty is as boundless as the sea,_
> 
> _my love as deep._
> 
> _The more I give to thee, the more I have,_
> 
> _for both are infinite._ -Juliet, in Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_

Yuuri presses his eyes shut. 

“Okay. Okay, I can do this.” 

Viktor watches him quizzically. 

“What is it, Yuuri? You look like you are trying to lay an egg or something.” 

They are standing in the doorway of Yuuri’s bedroom. It’s 10pm, and they are home after practice and a dinner at Nagahama Ramen. Viktor has been lingering, as he often does in the evening, not quite willing yet to leave Yuuri’s side and go back to his own room. And with the start of the next season tomorrow, Yuuri has made up his mind. It’s time to do this. Their relationship is changing, rapid and thrillingly, like a dancer on the ice, and Yuuri is rapt in it, with no time to catch his breath. He is not the same man he was when Viktor first appeared at Hasetsu, they are not the same men they were even yesterday. Every day, Viktor’s touch on his waist, his arm, his thigh, guiding his body, starts to feel more and more familiar, more and more like a part of himself. 

“It’s…” Yuuri looks down, a blush starting in his cheeks. “Why don’t you stay here tonight, Viktor?” 

He risks a glance upward, and sees Viktor looking down at him through his thick blond lashes, his expression still thoughtful. “Alright,” he says after a moment. 

Yuuri nods, and taking hold of the front of Viktor’s shirt, tugs him forward and reaches around to close the door behind him. 

“Yuuri…” Viktor says, with concern in his voice, “is there something that is wrong?” 

“No…” Yuuri shakes his head, his hand still gripping the front of Viktor’s shirt and his face still lowered to the floor. “No, nothing’s wrong at all, Viktor. It’s just that…before this season starts, there’s something I want to do.” 

“What is it?” 

Yuuri closes his eyes and throws caution to the winds. He’s going to feel humiliated about this later, but he can worry about that later. “I want to lose my virginity, Viktor. And I want to lose it with you.”


	2. Chapter 2

He opens his eyes, his face absolutely on fire, to see Viktor staring down at him with his lips parted and his eyes soft, stunned, and tender. He looks sortof like he has been struck in the face, and he is hoping it will happen again. 

Then his face splits into a dazzling, sunshine smile. “Okay! Sounds great! Do you want to do it right now?” 

Yuuri nods, a little grimly, and takes Viktor’s hand to lead him to the bed. He sits down stiffly, and Viktor plops happily down beside him. 

Truth be told, Yuuri is terrified. He has never been comfortable with intimacy. Never in his life. His heart is racing. He has no idea what to do next. 

There is part of him that is morbidly ashamed to be a virgin at 24 years old, never even kissed by anyone but Viktor. In his mind it just reinforces the belief that he is disgusting, and no one could ever really want him. And there is a strange part of him that somehow just wants self-sabotage and push Viktor away too. Because _why_ would Viktor want him? It doesn’t make any sense! 

Viktor runs his hand over Yuuri’s lower back and then lets it rest beside him on the bed, leaning in to brush his lips against Yuuri’s neck. “We can do whatever you like, okay? And we can stop if you are uncomfortable. Just show me what you like, and we’ll do that!” 

He has masturbated; more times than he can even count, in this very bed, to the man beside him. He has imagined that mouth on his throat, that dancer’s body on top of his. He has _fantasized_ about seeing the sort of adoration in Viktor’s eyes that he is seeing right now.

In Yuuri’s fantasies, he was always extremely confident, teasing, and pleasuring, and messing with Viktor, until Viktor lost his mind with want and pinned him to the mattress. Yuuri would cum, night after night in his adolescence, to the thought of Viktor shoving roughly, hungrily inside of him and moaning with how good he felt. 

Sometimes, Viktor’s name would slip involuntarily from Yuuri’s lips as his fingers explored his own body. Even the sound of it, foreign and exotic, was arousing. 

Now, though, Viktor is solid and real and _right here_ , his lips trailing against Yuuri’s neck. This is really happening, and Yuuri feels sortof like he is going to puke. The pressure of those fantasies is too much. There’s no way he’s going to be able to be confident and coy about this. He’ll be lucky if he gets through this without making a huge fool of himself. 

“H-hey Viktor?” he stammers. 

Viktor hesitates, pulling away from Yuuri’s neck and setting a comforting hand on his back. “Yes? Are you okay, Yuuri?” 

“Yeah. Can we…can we go to your room? There’s just a lot of memories in here.” 

Viktor’s brow furrows. “Of course! But…Yuuri, are you sure you want to do this tonight? You seem very nervous.” 

“Yes!” says Yuuri fiercely. “I’ve waited long enough. I’m nervous, but I’m not backing down. Come on, let’s go.”


	3. Chapter 3

But Yuuri doesn’t feel any calmer in Viktor’s room than he did in his own. 

Viktor’s room still has stacks of cardboard boxes against the wall. There are a few pictures tacked up above the bed, and Makkachin is asleep in his dog bed, twitching as he dreams of a happy chase. 

It’s about the most low-pressure environment that Yuuri can imagine, and yet still, his stupid heart keeps hammering like he is about to jump out of a four-story building. 

He steels himself, though, and when Viktor sits down on his bed, Yuuri approaches him, sits down beside him for a moment, and then grits his teeth for courage and swings around to straddle Viktor’s lap. 

Viktor studies his face. He wraps one arm around Yuuri, holding him lightly, and his other hand rises to Yuuri’s cheek. He leans in and curls around Yuuri, his hair falling, light and soft against Yuuri’s cheek as his lips brush his ear. “Just show me where to put my hands, okay? I can do whatever you like.” 

The words, in that sultry accent, send a pleasant chill up Yuuri’s spine. 

“Okay,” he says, a little breathily. “Well, um, I’ve always wanted to have someone…” (specifically someone named Viktor Nikiforov, but he doesn’t mention that part) “to have someone kiss my throat. So um, that might be a good place to start?” 

Suddenly, Viktor’s mouth is thrust against his neck, and he is tipping his head back and gasping. His fingers run through Viktor’s hair, and he pulls at it—probably a little too hard, he realizes after a moment. 

But he feels Viktor smile against his throat. “That’s it, Yuuri,” he purrs. But Yuuri is still overwhelmed with the urge to run, even as his head starts to spin with how good this feels. This is so confusing, how part of him shouts with excitement at being held with his legs spread in Viktor’s lap, and another part of him wants to scream and run. 

He gasps, his eyes wide with a mixture of wonder and panic, as Viktor’s lashes flutter against his neck, his cheek. The feeling is so _unusual_ , so up-close and personal. He wants Viktor to kiss his whole body, let his eyelashes brush against every single inch of him, and at the same time, he wants to shove Viktor away. He twists in his confusion, and Viktor pauses to look at his face again. Viktor’s eyes are misty, hooded a little, his lips already a little rouged with arousal. He looks so terrifyingly beautiful. 

“Are you alright?” he asks. 

“Yes,” Yuuri gasps. “I’m ready, Viktor.” 

He reaches for the buckle of his pants and starts to undo them. 

“Ha! Are you sure?” Viktor laughs and runs his hand over Yuuri’s hair. “Most people take a little more time to get ready!” 

“If we don’t do it now, I’ll lose my nerve,” Yuuri says. 

_“Yuuri…”_ Viktor laughs with tender exasperation. “We are not doing it with you tense like this! Trust me, it will not be very fun for you. You could even get hurt!” 

“Then guide me,” Yuuri says doggedly. “To tell you the truth, I…I don’t think I’m going to be able to relax on my own. Maybe you could sortof...take over. I feel like if you told me what to do, there wouldn’t be so much pressure.” 

“Okay, good plan! I am your coach, after all. I should be able to guide you through anything!” Viktor smiles, and Yuuri’s heart flutters.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s the middle of the night, so naturally the hot springs are deserted. They are lit from beneath, from the lights along the walls of the pool. Viktor's idea was to come here, and Yuuri cannot deny it was a great idea, as Viktor starts to strip. 

Viktor pulls off his v-neck shirt, and then his jeans, briefs, and socks, and steps into the warm pool naked and graceful, the light from the water dancing on his pale skin. Yuuri gazes, entranced, until Viktor turns around and holds out a hand for him. 

“Come here, Yuuri. Take your clothes off and sit on the side of the pool, if you are comfortable.” 

Unspeakably relieved to be given the instruction, Yuuri does as he is told. He feels Viktor’s eyes on him as he strips, and tries not to think about any of his body insecurities. Now is definitely not the time to be dwelling on _that_. He sits on the edge of the pool with his back to the door, his legs dangling in the hot water up to his shins. 

“You are so beautiful, Yuuri.” Viktor approaches him, making his way through the water like a nymph. He comes to stand very close, waist-deep in the water. “But I know that most of the time, you can’t see it. I sometimes wish that you could see yourself through my eyes.” 

He caresses Yuuri’s cheek, and Yuuri lets his eyes flutter closed. Even though they are naked, _literally naked_ , he feels a lot calmer now, with the steam from the hot spring rising to caress his skin, and Viktor taking charge of what they are doing. He wants Viktor to…God, more than anything, he just wants Viktor to tell him what to do, and to watch him do it, and to praise him… 

He scoots a little closer toward the edge of the hot spring. “Guide me, Viktor…” 

“Spread your legs, Yuuri.” 

Yuuri does it, a shiver of pleasure running up his spine, and Viktor slips between them, leaning his hips against the edge of the pool. He leans in to run his lips over Yuuri’s naked shoulder. 

“You cannot skate with your heart until you are comfortable on the ice,” he says quietly. “And likewise you cannot make love until you are comfortable with intimacy.” 

Yuuri shivers again. So Viktor wants to _make love_ to him… Somehow, he hadn’t expected that. He loves Viktor, loves him with his whole heart, his brain, his lungs, his guts…but somehow he didn’t think that Viktor’s feelings ran deep enough for _love making_. The small revelation gives him a surge of happiness and confidence, and more than that, it gives him a hard-on, which Viktor looks down at appraisingly.


	5. Chapter 5

“Do you like the idea of making love to me, Yuuri?” Viktor purrs, and Yuuri shivers again. 

“Yes,” he gasps, and Viktor leans in and guides his mouth open for a kiss. His hand holds the back of Yuuri’s head, his fingers in Yuuri’s hair. 

“I also have wanted to make love to you for a very long time,” Viktor says conversationally, his voice still low. “But it is not the sort of thing that you can just rush into, you know? You have to feel the comfort. You have to feel the intimacy.” 

Viktor rests his hand on Yuuri’s jaw and brushes his lips against Yuuri’s. “ _Breathe with me_ , Yuuri…” 

Yuuri doesn’t know quite what Viktor means by that, but his brain is oddly starting to quiet down a little. It feels almost like it is…melting, or something. His thoughts are a little groggy, everything colored by the smell of Viktor’s skin, and the light in Viktor’s eyes, and the steam rising around them… It is a very pleasant lightness, in his head. It reminds him of meditation. 

Their mouths open together, and Viktor breathes…into him. Yuuri feels his lungs expand, his need to inhale entirely erased. Viktor’s breath fills his lungs for him, and for a moment, he just holds Viktor’s air inside of him. It feels…so strange, and good. So soothing. He breathes the air back, into Viktor, and Viktor’s gentle fingers stroke the back of his head. 

They pass the air back and forth, like they are two lungs framing one heart, like they are floating underwater. 

And after a few minutes, a small _moan_ slips from Yuuri’s throat as Viktor’s air fills him again. 

Viktor pulls away, and Yuuri raises a hand to his own eyes, embarrassed, but Viktor is not laughing at him. “Good,” he whispers. “So good, Yuuri…” 

His slender fingers brush over Yuuri’s jaw. "We can stop here for now. We can practice this, until intimacy feels familiar to you--" 

“No," Yuuri breathes. "I want to have sex. Tell me what to do, Viktor.” 

Viktor nods. He gently lifts Yuuri’s hand from where it rests on the side of the pool. 

“Let me see your pleasure,” he instructs in a whisper, as he guides Yuuri’s hand down between Yuuri’s own legs. 

Yuuri gasps, a wave of white hot heat ripping through his body, as Viktor guides his hand to rest on his own cock, to stroke it. His face is _burning_ ; he must be beet red. But it feels so good, so electric. 

Viktor’s fingers encircle his, wrapping both their hands firmly around Yuuri’s cock, and guide him to move, to squeeze and press on it, and _ohhhh_ …. 

Breathing shakily, Viktor takes his hand off of Yuuri’s for a moment, and rests it on Yuuri’s right knee, guiding him to spread his legs farther apart. Yuuri scoots closer to the edge of the pool, his knees spread wide. 

“ _Good_ , Yuuri.” Viktor’s voice is very low and breathy. He slides Yuuri’s hand lower down on his body, over his balls, and guides his index finger to press into his own perineum. 

Yuuri’s eyes roll closed. His head goes limp in Viktor’s hand, and Viktor holds it up for him. He grinds Yuuri’s finger into his perineum, his eyes, just barely open, locked on Yuuri’s face. 

“ _Ohhhh_ ….” Yuuri moans, his body twisting a little with the pleasure, the filthiness of it. 

“ _Yuuri…_ ” Viktor breathes his name with rapture, and Yuuri shivers. He opens his eyes to look into Viktor’s. “Keep going,” he gasps. “I want to feel everything…” 

Viktor reaches for his discarded pants, which are lying a foot or two behind Yuuri, drags them closer, and pulls a tin out of the pocket. He unscrews it, and guides Yuuri to dip his fingers in: lubricant. 

“Lie back for me,” Viktor murmurs, and Yuuri lies back against the hot, slick tile, his legs spread, with Viktor in between them in the water. Viktor guides Yuuri’s slick fingers to his own hole. He runs them once over the rim before guiding Yuuri to breach himself, to press the tips of two fingers inside himself. 

“ _Viktor!_ ” Yuuri’s back arches off the floor. “ _Ohh_ , that…yes!” 

Then he gasps in a huge breath, suddenly inflating with a courage he didn’t know he had. “Watch me, Viktor!” 

He moves his hand on his own, and Viktor’s hand lifts off of his. Yuuri sinks his fingers deeper into his own body, moans at the feeling, his head rolling against the tile. He caresses his rim, stretches himself, and strokes where it feels good, until he can fit a third finger. “Viktor,” he moans, eyes closed and mouth open. “ _Viktor…_ ” 

An animalistic moan slips from Viktor’s throat, and his fingers dig into Yuuri’s thighs. “Let me use my mouth on you,” he gasps in a rush, and when Yuuri bites his lip and nods, Viktor drops down to open his mouth over Yuuri’s fingers. He lifts Yuuri’s knee and presses it into his chest to get a better angle, and then pulls Yuuri’s hand out of the way and presses his tongue into Yuuri’s hole with a moan. 

Yuuri claps a hand over his own mouth to keep himself from shouting. The _pleasure_ …it’s so much better than he ever could have imagined. Viktor working him open with his mouth, fighting to get his tongue deeper inside of him, moaning with want for him. Yuuri could live a thousand years and never feel anything so wonderful again. He bites down on his hand, needy moans slipping from his throat. 

"I want your cock, Viktor," he gasps, his fingernails digging into Viktor's shoulders. "Now, put it in me, now, _please_..." 

Viktor lunges out of the water, bringing a wave with him that washes over Yuuri's body, surprising them both. He props himself up above Yuuri and they both laugh, gazing into each other's eyes, and then they are kissing hotly, hands everywhere, moaning into each other's mouths.


	6. Chapter 6

Viktor grabs for his pants—now soaking wet—and pulls a condom out of the back pocket. 

It gives Yuuri some bleary satisfaction to realize that Viktor probably brings lube and condoms with him everywhere; for the off chance that Yuuri will jump him. Viktor fumbles with the package, his hands shaking a little, and tears it open, while Yuuri reaches blindly around for the tin of lube. It has washed up past his head; he grabs it. 

Viktor sits up for a moment, pinches the tip of the condom, and rolls it onto his own cock. He gasps when Yuuri’s hand joins his, coated in lube, to moisten him, and his eyes flutter closed for a moment at the feeling of Yuuri’s touch. 

Then Yuuri pulls Viktor back down on top of him, and they lie nose-to-nose and naked on the wet tile, with steam curling around them. 

“Ready?” Viktor murmurs, and Yuuri nods fiercely, his hand on Viktor’s cheek. 

A serious, tender smile plays at the corners of Viktor’s lips. His hair falls across Yuuri’s face. “ _Moy lyubimyy_ ,” he whispers in Russian. “Look into my eyes.” 

Yuuri does. He looks into Viktor’s eyes as Viktor starts to press against him, as Viktor’s fingers coax his body open. At first, it feels very strange; Viktor’s flesh presses into his hole, hot and firm and alien. But a moment later, and a few centimeters deeper, a wave of intense, shocking pleasure rolls from Yuuri’s hips through his whole body. 

Viktor sees it in his eyes, and leans in to kiss him on the forehead. He presses a little deeper, and Yuuri’s hands grip into fists on Viktor’s back. _Oh, wow…_

A hunger like he’s never known rears up inside him, aching low in his lips. He’s never felt this, never in 24 years of life, felt such a deep, erotic, need. 

He sits up a little. Pressing himself up on one hand, he clutches Viktor’s cheek with the other. He presses their foreheads together, still looking into Viktor’s eyes as he shoves against Viktor’s cock, taking him deeper. Viktor’s jaw falls open a little, his eyes naked and desperate with desire…as Yuuri starts to fuck himself on his cock. 

Yuuri takes Viktor all the way into him, as deep as he can, and clenches his muscles with a shudder and a moan before he starts to move. He lets his head fall back as he starts to slide Viktor in and out of him. _Oh, God, this… this is incredible._

“Viktor!” he gasps, and the noise that Viktor makes is extremely satisfying. 

Yuuri wants to do this all night, just keep parting his flesh on Viktor’s cock, sliding it in, and out again. 

He shifts his hips a little to explore a different angle, and that’s even better, _yes_ … 

Yuuri shoves down to take Viktor’s cock deeper, harder, and Viktor moans, his hands coming up to grip Yuuri’s hips. His fingers dig into the flesh behind Yuuri’s hip bones. 

“ _Yuuri_ ,” Viktor moans, and his mouth is on Yuuri’s neck again, kissing him chaotically. A mess of English and Russian falls from his lips. “You feel so good. _O, Bozhe…Yuuri_ …” He cups Yuuri’s limp head in one hand, and runs his teeth lightly over Yuuri’s trachea. 

Yuuri shivers, and moans, and raises his head to look into Viktor’s wrecked, smitten eyes, as he takes him as deep as he possibly can. 

“I love you, Viktor,” he says, blazing with courage and passion. “I love you. _I love you_.” 

Viktor’s head falls against Yuuri’s shoulder, and he shakes a little, moaning, as Yuuri's words overwhelm him and he _cums_. 

It takes Yuuri a moment to realize what is happening. But then he gasps as sympathy pleasure floods his entire body. “ _Ohhhh_!” He grips his fingers into the roots of Viktor’s hair, pulling desperately, overwhelmed with unbearable tenderness and love and pleasure for this good, fragile, vulnerable man. Yuuri cums untouched, keening as pleasure he didn’t know was possible rips through him.


	7. Chapter 7

They lie still for several moments in a heap, their chests heaving against each other. 

Yuuri’s body tingles, and everything feels so loose, so free, from his scalp to his toes. He feels like he is breathing into areas of his body that have never been oxygenated before. 

He opens his eyes and looks over Viktor’s shoulder at the high ceiling, where reflected light from the water is rippling and dancing. 

And he thinks, quietly, to himself, in the time it takes Viktor to catch his breath, that he came at this thing with the wrong mindset entirely. He came at it thinking about _losing_ something, _losing_ his virginity, when what he’d really done was _gain_ something. 

His heart feels _full_ , full to bursting with happiness and satisfaction and love. 

There was giving involved in sex, yes, but not _losing_. The more he gave to Viktor, the more he had in his heart. 

And if that was what intimacy meant, then it was nothing he would fear any more.

Viktor props himself up and wipes a strand of wet hair from Yuuri's forehead. He smiles down at him, his eyes sparkling like a starry sky. "How are you feeling?" he asks. 

"Great." 

Yuuri gazes up at him, smiles, and reaches up to slide his own fingers between Viktor's. 

Their gold rings clink together as their fingers interlock.


End file.
